Time
by WriteToLive
Summary: Tony has some news for Jack. Set ten months after Day 4 - just a very short one-off fic.


Time

Tony walked out of the building, out to the garden where it was quiet and you could use cell phones. At times like this, he wished he smoked. Lighting a cigarette would delay this call, even if only for a few seconds – he'd take anything at this point, anything to delay pushing those buttons. He satisfied himself with finding the bench that was furthest away from the doors, telling himself that he wasn't really delaying, it was a necessary precaution anyway. He could feel the dead weight of the phone in his pocket with every step…it seemed to weigh a ton. He could _feel_ the expectation and the anxiety on the other end, waiting for him, yelling at him to hurry up and he felt like a bastard for delaying even a second longer than he had to. But he couldn't help it.

He reached the bench and sighed heavily as he sat down. He didn't remove the phone, not yet. Just another minute wouldn't make a difference. _Of course it will…_ But he still didn't touch it.

There was no one around, it was almost midnight and he had the place to himself. A dim lamp that lit the area shone from above, the light kept catching his wedding ring and he fiddled with it absentmindedly, trying to determine how best to do this. It wasn't going to be easy…he wondered why he was feeling so bad. Maybe it was for the news he was going to break. Or maybe, it was for himself – for everything he had now, the happiness that filled him every day. There was only one reason he had it, after all.

He rested his elbows on his knees and let his face drop into his hands. _Just for a minute. I'll make the call in a minute..._ He found himself hoping that something would come and distract him and make it impossible. But nothing did, the warm air was silent and no one else came into the garden. He had no reason to delay any longer. He left his face in one hand and reached for the phone with the other, dragging it reluctantly from his pocket. He held it for a long moment without looking at it, then suddenly sat up straight, flipped it open and started dialling from memory. The number he called could never be saved on the phone.

It was answered after one ring and the voice was stressed, edgy…sad. _Oh God, I'm so sorry. This should be good news. And it is – for everyone except you…_

'Is she OK?'

'Yeah, she's fine.'

There was a long pause and Tony struggled. He knew it was up to him to speak, but he just couldn't. He found there was a lump in his throat that wasn't going away and he fought against it desperately. The voice on the other end helped him eventually…it had lost most of its edge but gained more sadness, every short word was measured and heavy.

'Tell me.'

He took a long breath and tried to calm himself. _I don't want to hurt you anymore. But you'll hurt if I don't as well._

'It's a boy. Seven pounds, two ounces.' There was a sharp intake of breath on the other end and a soft thump, like his legs had given out and he'd sat down hard. Tony hesitated, but had to tell him. 'They named him after you…'

The silence was back and Tony could feel his struggle. There was nothing he could say, no support he could offer. Sympathy would sound empty, even though it was sincere. And there was no way to ease the loss for his friend. Best to offer silence, a silence filled with everything that didn't need to be said. When the voice finally returned, he wasn't surprised to hear the rasp in it, the one that didn't even come close to conveying all the pain that was felt.

'And she's really OK?'

'She's really OK. Tired, but happy.' He hesitated. _She's happy, very happy…and as sad as I've ever seen her, since she became an orphan anyway. And he looks like you Jack. He looks just like you…_ There didn't seem to be anything else to say. But he couldn't just hang up. He was glad they were on a secure line, there was no time limit to this call. He would stay and listen to silence if it would help right now. But he had to ask. 'How are you doing?'

There was a small sniff and Tony could _see_ the hand being brushed quickly over the nose, the way the head was moving to look away. The gesture that would never leave him. 'Fine.' A pause. 'Y'know…'

He closed his eyes against everything. _Yeah, I do know. I can guess. Kinda. And this isn't fair. It's not right. You just became a grandfather and you'll never see your grandson. Or your daughter. She thinks you're dead – would it be a comfort to you Jack, if I told you how she was when I broke it to her? She was just as devastated as when Teri died. Only…well, not quite. Because she'd been expecting it for years really, steeling herself against the day that you'd go on your last mission. And Chase was there for her – only he was almost as devastated as she was. Do you know how much he loves you…?_

'Yeah.'

'Thanks for telling me.'

_As if I would hold this back. I did think about it. I can only guess how much you're hurting right now._

'Can I do anything?'

More silence. And they both knew that there was nothing anyone could do. They both knew that it was just a way for Tony to say what couldn't be said. And neither of them hung up, because the words weren't important. The connection was.

Crickets sounded in the grass and the sweet fragrance of a nearby rosebush crept into his nostrils as he sat. He could hear Jack breathing quietly as he searched for something to say. There had to be something.

'Just look after them. Please?' The voice was soft and heavy and Tony closed his eyes.

'Yeah. You know I will.'

He sat back on the bench and the light caught his ring once more. The passage of time suddenly hit him like a sledgehammer…ten months since Jack had left. Nine months since his second marriage to Michelle. Eight months since he spoke to Kim and heard the news. _Six months since I found out I'm going to be a father myself Jack. And I'd like to tell you – you'll probably be hurt that I haven't. But I can't. I can't remind you of anything else you don't have…_

There was another deep breath from the other end of the line. 'Thank you.' He'd never sounded more sincere. 'I'd better go.' But he didn't hang up, not just yet…and they sat, a thousand miles apart but joined forever by the secret that haunted them both. As they were both discovering, it only got heavier with the passing of time.


End file.
